Wits End

Writing is cathartic for me, usually. Eating, too, brings me joy…which is probably why, instead of that desperately needed nap, I’m sitting here in front of my computer screen madly typing away as I only take minimal breaks to snack on my crackers and cheese. Really, though, I ought to sit here and write for about a week to purge myself of all the pent up emotions and tension paddling through my veins and then maybe I can get back to being a sweet, loving, and nurturing mother. As it is, I discover (not surprisingly) that I'm cranky, impatient, and unsympathetic...traits that usually don't describe me.

One might think, from the irregularity of blog postings, that nothing exciting or noteworthy has been going on in the Medina household. Au contraire, mon frere. This has been one busy place all winter long…and there’s still how many more weeks left?

The only thing noteworthy is that this place has been an infirmary of sorts for months. Since September, Gideon has had almost 1 ear infection per month, and Scarlett, well, nearly the same, though by now, I’ve lost track somewhere in the depths of night when I’m wide awake dealing with or listening to a screaming, unhappy, sick child…or both. And here we go back to the pediatrician, this afternoon, for yet our second trip of the week - - because in addition to this ear infection, Gideon’s got some kind of high fever and nasty coughing that wakes him from a dead sleep and then keeps him awake and he’s had it for days…AND he’s not eating. When my children don’t eat, something is seriously wrong.

I’m an emotional eater myself…as many women are. Which is probably why though I’d managed to only gain about 20 pounds this pregnancy, within ONE WEEK, I’d gained 6 and then 2 more this past week. I realize, when I’m at my wits end (which has happened nearly every other day for the past 3 weeks), I head to the cupboard or fridge to see what I can stuff in my mouth for a temporary fix while I’m trying to comfort two little ones. Just in case you’re wondering, it’s not really working. It’s even been hard to pull myself together to spend time with the Lord (which is a definite fix for me!) when they are finally asleep….brownie a la modes, triscuits and cheese cubes, hot buttered bagels, and soft-n-chewy chips ahoy white chocolate fudge cookies are my delicacies of choice these days.

It’s probably a good thing I knew nothing about children, hadn’t babysat much, and was really quite unaware of how horrible winter can be to a small child’s health before I got married…because, had I known, I might have re-thought my stance on medicinal birth control (a.k.a. “the pill”). As it is, you already know I am not comfortable with anything in a pill form controlling that aspect of my body; therefore, I’ve had one child per year of marriage. That’s obviously not newsworthy, but I’m thinking that had I been able to see a picture of one week of life at 37 weeks pregnant with a 1 and 2 year old sick, cloying, needy, not eating, and not sleeping…I might have ignored the Holy Spirit on that personal decision and opted for peace and convenience. Naturally, I’m glad I didn’t, but it’s been that kind of winter. Horrible and never-ending.

Since we rarely take the children anywhere save church on Sundays and grocery store shopping, I almost want to hibernate like bears while winter germs ravage the rest of the country. I know that wishful thinking, but good night, WHEN WILL IT ALL END?

Will it end with the Ear, Nose, and Throat visit we have next week which bodes ill for tubes and surgeries?

I don’t know. And now, I find myself too tired to think any further. I bid you adieu until the need for written therapeutic abolition is again needed…..my children are asleep, and there, too, I shall soon be.