For a Chocolate Ice Cream Bar

Today was a very good day until about lunchtime. I thought I’d head over to Sprouts, a local whole foods/health grocery store and check out the sugar-free and lactose-free products while the children were at preschool and I had a little time to myself.

I immediately found the lactose-free/sugar-free fudgesicles, which were made with coconut milk. I’d been on the hunt for ice cream for quite some time. I detest coconut-flavored anything, but a girl can only go so long without chocolate and ice cream. They looked so delicious (and that was the brand name) on the box, I just had to pick one up.

One of the biggest problems with these fancy food items is that they cost a fortune. I bought a box of fudgesicles, which consisted of 3, for nearly $4. I thought to myself that those pups had better be the best fudgesicles I’ve ever had, and each one better take me thirty minutes to eat. It did, but not for that reason.

I then headed over to the cheese aisle, and my eyes were immediately drawn to the newly hated soy cheese. Uggh. I felt ill just looking at the packages… remembering trying to make a quesadilla with that stuff a few weeks ago. The after taste was akin to what bubbled out of our toilet on Sunday.

And then I thought to sum up my purchases, I’d buy some coconut milk yogurt. Good thing that’s still in the refrigerator. Any takers?

So, I hopped in the car and unsheathed my first fudgesicle. Tasted kinda funny, but not terrible. I’m a girl who isn’t picky, but I like what I like and I’ve never tasted coconut milk products before. I nibbled a little more, still trying to figure out if I could say “good purchase” or “never again.” I nibbled and licked like some kind of paid taste-tester…perhaps I should have swilled and spat.

I got about a quarter of the way through it when I decided I was done. I don’t like to waste food, especially the expensive kind, but this just wasn’t speaking to my tastebuds the way my mind planned. I drove back to preschool and put the rest in the freezer. I should have left them without my name scribbled so possessively across.

I went into Panera Bread to spend a little quality time with the Lord; I wound up spending more time with my porcelain friend.

I continued to have diarrhea off and on all day (and I hadn’t even eaten anything) and I was so puzzled as to why. It did subside for about an hour when my friend, Amanda, and I met and headed to the local state park overlooking a lake to start our Bible study together.

But, as soon as we were in our cars and back to preschool to pick up our children, I had to RUN, and RUN, and RUN.

Thankfully, my mom showed up to help me get the children to the car. It was an unspoken answer to prayer. 3 backpacks, nap mats, and children are quite a handful. I had to run back in several times, and for the life of me I couldn’t figure out why I was going so much.

I barely made it all the way home (30 minute drive) before I was back in the bathroom, where I’ve been most of the evening, too.

I then decided to post this sad tale on my Facebook status because I just can’t keep good news to myself.

That’s when I found out that coconut milk is a natural laxative. Only I would unwittingly buy it and put myself in extreme discomfort for the sake of a chocolate ice cream bar.

Good thing I only ate a quarter of it.