13 More Days

13 More Days. Thank goodness. I’m miserable. Don’t get me wrong. I’m very thankful to be on this growth hormone because I’m certain it’s going to help, but it’s set me back a good 4 months. I’m back to every hour, multiple visits to the bathroom. Again, my rear end is so raw that the only relief I’ve gotten is the short Aveeno Oatmeal bath I had today…and as soon as I got out and had to hop on the toilet, the dragon was back.

I told Jeff it feels like fire is breathing out of my, ahem…waste hole, and fire is also breathing into it, creating a painfully hot and prickly inferno, much like my vivid mind imagines hell to be like. Agonizing, all the way around. I was, once again, near tears today, sitting on the toilet for the umpteenth time, attempting to read a new novel about Mary of England (big historical fiction buff) that Jeff picked out for me (because reading somewhat occupies my mind during these episodes)…when it occurred to me that I can’t remember the last time I had more than a few of these episodes.

Before I started the growth hormone (and diarrhea is a side effect - - oh joy), I still had bad days, but I also had good days. I’ve been on the growth hormone for 15 days and every day has gotten progressively worse….to the point that I feel like I’m starting over and have just gotten home from the hospital. Not a very desirable place to be because it’s such a hard place to be in. Every single thing that I eat or drink slides through in a matter of minutes, seconds even, sometimes. I had been keeping things in for a few hours, even longer if we look at my overnight potty hiatus. I've even thrown up and have started taking Zofran to control the nausea. Think morning sickness (and add in a horrible stomach ache of diarrhea) and you've got what the way I've been feeling.

However, what this does mean, to slap some audacious spin onto my creeping-slowly-downward-thought, is that there was some improvement up until this point. IMPROVEMENT. Wow. I mean, I really did have a few good days mixed in with the rest. And, prayerfully, once my 13 days of self-injections are over, I’ll get back to having good days.

I don’t want to leave the house, though. We tried today, and on a different note, I publicly renounce my favorite store of all time…Target. They have the worst return policy of anywhere (if you don’t have a receipt) even if the item had been purchased there. It cheats, not stopping with only giving you the sale price, but ‘the computer’ arbitrarily picks a price to give you that’s dollars lower than the sale price) and I don’t hold with that. Anyway, I couldn’t even make it through our quick errands without blowing out another bathroom. I’ve learned to take one of the children with me. They make so much noise (even when they’re loudly telling me I’m stinky so that everyone can hear) that I’ve lost the embarrassment I have when alone. Is that terrible? Am I using my children? Oh well…no wonder the highlight of any outing for them is using the bathroom. It’s nearly the first thing they ask to do. Should I wonder why?

Counting down the days....