Introducing....Coco

This is Coco, my new bidet.

Coco and I pose as we gear up to become BFF's!

Silly, I know. But you really cannot fathom how excited I am about this bidet, ESPECIALLY after trying her out. I realize that in other countries this is no big deal, but I'm just a good ol' American girl who has neither lived/visited overseas since I was a little girl, and in Greece, there were no bidets, just a hole in the floor.

In preparation for my trial run, for I wanted the full effect, I sucked down my Diet Sun Drop, nearly all 12 ounces, knowing that would get my bowels a movin' and a shakin'. Jeff read me the "User's Easy Manual" with pictures, and I giggled my way through the button explanations (seen in the above picture on the left side). Things such as "massage" and "turbo wash" and "drying" never crossed my mind, for in my ignorance, I assumed that bidets simply squirted one's rear end with water and that was that. Oh no. My Coco (for that is the brand name and thus, she is christened) is so much more sophisticated than all that.

This particular bidet (the cheapest Jeff could find, and yet, exorbitant in my book) is basically a fancy toilet seat that plugs into the wall. I hopped on as Jeff stood there in expectation. Normally, when I have to 'go' I'm not gun shy, but for some reason, this time I experienced major stage fright.

"Umm, honey. Could you step out, please?" And then I was able to continue to purge my Sun Drop with ease.

I called him back in, where he proceeded to show me all the buttons on the apparatus. Each button has a simple picture of an anatomical part of the lower body in need of cleansing. I pushed the "wash" button and heard it make noise. Nothing happened, so I told Jeff, "I don't think this is working."

And then my anal cavity got quite the cold, wet shock, as a stream of icy water gushed right out on me.

"Ahhhhh."

I began screaming and giggling all at the same time. "Stop this thing. It's cold." And, it would have sprayed for 2 full minutes had I not pressed the "stop" button.

Jeff said, "well, I can fix that." He pressed the "hot water" button and soon the stream turned warm. Now that was nice, let me tell you. Then my seat began to heat up, on purpose. All I needed was my Kindle and I could have been there a few hours.

I then tried out the "turbo" cycle and that was like a Super Soaker 2000, and was entirely too strong, supposedly created for constipation (not one of my problems). I barely made it 10 seconds. I then tried the "bidet" cycle, which...ahem... I'll let you guess what it cleaned. That was a little too ticklish and intimate for my taste, so I decided to head through the "dry" cycle. My own built-in hand dryer, except it wasn't for the hands.

I thought I'd better toilet paper dry myself to make sure I got all cleaned, and to my utter amazement and rather provincial shock, I was clean and dry.

Friends, this will revolutionize my misery. I invite you to come over and try it one day. It's in the office, one for all, and all for one!

Here's to Jeff and my new best friend, Coco!