Most marriages have a honeymoon phase, which last longer than the honeymoon itself. When Jeff and I married six years ago, tomorrow, we never saw that phase. As many of you know, I got pregnant on our honeymoon, and when Gideon was 5 months old, I got pregnant with Scarlett. When Scarlett was 6 months old, I got pregnant with Lexi. We moved during that time, Jeff got a new job in a new city, and I became a ‘stuck at home’ mom with only one car and Jeff working 6 days a week. I was either pregnant or nursing and had very little social interaction outside of our home and our very small children. Life was, indeed, very hectic and very hard.
For those of you who think life got ridiculously difficult last year after I lost my intestine, you only know part of the story.
Life was also very personally painful during the first few years of our marriage, for my Jeff did not epitomize the model of a Christian husband. Though he was a believer, striving to serve our Lord, there were many heartbreaking issues he brought, unresolved, to our marriage: anger, lack of self-control, and a disregard for boundaries.
That Jeff was fear-inspiring.
That Jeff no longer exists, praise God.
In the year before I lost my intestine, God had been working mightily in his heart, in my heart, and in our marriage. We had been in counseling several times, together and alone, because we were determined that Satan, bent on the ultimate destruction of our home, would not win and we were willing to humble ourselves and seek outside help. Our home had finally become a place of peace when my medical mishap occurred. Trials have a funny way of stripping everything down to its core and pruning away those dead branches that bear no fruit, and though the pruning may be excruciating in dealing with past hurts, getting rid of those useless branches open a way for new life and new growth. Trials prove the mettle of man, shows where his heart is, and serve as a catalyst for either spiritual growth or spiritual death.
I will not take time to share with you Jeff’s journey, for that is his story to share, but my trial and the loss of my intestine was a vehicle that drove Jeff onward in his journey toward spiritual maturity. This is the man I’d like to tell you about.
Maturity does not take place overnight, and yet Jeff has become a man who I greatly admire and respect. I’ve always known how intelligent he was, for indeed, most of the blogs I write are a direct result of conversations we’ve had and thoughts he’s challenged me with. Intelligence alone, the knowledge of what is, is not enough, though, to merit respect. Even Satan’s lackeys know who Jesus is. Intelligence combined with spiritual awareness and understanding produces wisdom, which leads me to trust his judgment in all matters, knowing he has our family’s best interests at heart and not his own.
Jeff is a servant. He works many evening shifts, and yet, in the middle of the night when our children cry, he is the first one up to check on them. He began that when I was first home from the hospital and couldn’t get up. Now, it is such a hassle to unhook my heavy TPN bag and get myself down the hall that he still sees to our children’s nocturnal needs, no matter how little sleep he’s gotten. And he doesn’t complain about it.
Jeff is funny. He used to tease and flirt with me like he was in middle school, which got really old on, oh, about the first date. His level of flirting and pawing at me may not have changed all that much, but he is sensitive to my rough days, and has toned his teasing down tremendously when he knows I can’t handle it. He is conscientious of my physical limitations and sacrifices his need for intimacy when I’m in pain or too exhausted to even look at him with a wink of romance (and that’s quite often).
Jeff is a modern man. He helps with laundry, unloads the dishwasher every morning, irons his own clothes, and cleans the bathrooms when I haven’t gotten to them. When he was out of work for those 8 months taking care of me, it used to annoy me because he was treading on my terrain…but now I realize I couldn’t have gotten everything done (and still can’t) if it wasn’t for his help. He bathes the children and gets them ready for bed if he’s home and I’m stuck on the toilet. He might forget to detangle the girls’ hair, but at least they’re clean and their teeth are brushed.
Jeff is bold when he needs to be and does the distasteful things I don’t like to do; I have a problem calling people on the phone (and I don’t know why) and he will make those phone calls for me. Jeff is a visionary; he has grand ideas. He can preach, he can teach, he writes wonderful curriculum. He is kind, he is sensitive, and I love to see him working with children.
Jeff can sing. When we were dating he would serenade me with old 80’s love songs, some of which I’d never heard. He’d be sweating and shaking, waiting, I suppose, for me to laugh at him. I never did, and those became some of the sweetest memories of our dating months. He still sings to me, but not as often.
Jeff has put into practice patience like I never thought he could. He still does things in a hurry and becomes impatient to be through, but it no longer explodes into an angry tirade. He comes home happy from work, rather than sullen or discouraged, and he makes a practice of encouraging me, asking me questions about how I feel, and really takes time to make sure I feel loved.
He brings me (and the girls) flowers…just because. He hugs me, kisses me, and tells me he loves me. He gently corrects me when I’m wrong and doesn’t lose his temper if I get in a huff over something inconsequential. He simply says, “Now wait a minute…” And if we do get angry at each other because we are imperfect people, there is no fear of retribution involved, and we’re usually able to laugh our argument to an end by one of us saying something ridiculous, hold our hands and say “Let’s start over…” He doesn’t hold grudges against me and he makes it impossible to hold one against him.
My Jeff is simply the best man that I know and I would follow him the world over if he believed that’s where God was leading our family. He said this has been the best year of our married life, in spite of all the physical challenges I’ve had, and I must say, I have to agree.
I thank you, Holy Father, for bringing Jeff into my life. I thank you for the painful times, for allowing us to seek you more fully, becoming more like you through our aches and hurts. I thank you for not being finished with us, for promising to complete us, and for giving Jeff your mind, your heart, and the ability to see past his own past to become the man you planned him to be, the father you knew he could be, and the husband he must be. I thank you for six short years of marriage and the lifetime of lessons already imparted. I thank you for this treasure of a man you have deigned me worthy to belong to, and I pray you protect his mind, his eyes, his heart, and most importantly, his life.
Happy anniversary, my dear.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Thursday, December 08, 2011
Some Final Thoughts
You’d think I’d be finished defending my stance on Santa, and trust me, though I’ve thought of a lot more biblical principles that I’d like to “argue”, I am finished. The original post was never meant to begin an argument amongst believers; it was merely supposed to be a confession and spiritual check-up, of sorts, first for myself, and then for any others who may have been so inclined. The intent (and I apologize if I failed) was to get others to think and to figure out how to make the day more about Christ and less about other, insignificant, things.
The fact that it provoked such strong emotions struck me as very interesting, however.
Obviously, some of you have given great and thorough attention to your Santa decision. Others have not. It is decidedly your prerogative to make the decisions you feel best lead your family to have maximum output for the Kingdom of God, and if you can do that and still allow Santa to be such an integral part of your Christmas tradition, then you rank among the few.
And just to set the record straight, we are not anti-Santa in and of himself. We are simply opposed to setting him up as an iconic reality that takes any bit of focus off of Christ which includes, but is not limited to, leading impressionable children into belief in said reality. As my friend, Julie Brzozowski, so succinctly stated: “We can enjoy Goldilocks and the Three Bears without believing it really happened. And we can do the same thing with Santa.”
My blog and my thoughts are not The Gospel of Jesus Christ. My husband and I try to very carefully consider things for the ultimate glory of our Holy God in light of the Gospel, and though we will undoubtedly make mistakes along the way, our biggest prayer is that our lives pave the way for our children to one day accept Jesus’ loving atonement for sins and choose then to live a life that honors Him. I believe that as long as we learn to seek God first, before everything else, which is what Christ himself commands in Matthew 6:33, the rest will fall in line. If Christians would stand up in arms defending our Lord and Savior and His precepts like they defend their right to promote Santa’s presence at Christmas, neither would be an issue, for Christ would surely be exalted as “Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace” (Isaiah 9:6) and not simply become a chorus we sing once a year.
Almost dying and having my daily life so radically changed a year and a half ago has drastically altered (well, maybe more like ‘magnified’) the way I view life, my faith, and the convictions I consequently hold. I’ve also gotten quite a bit more verbal about those convictions, and I use my blog to work through those issues.
The lines between mainstream Christianity and the secular world are so blurry that the time must be coming where we will be forced to take a decisive stance one way or another on every single issue for when it comes to Christ, there are no gray areas. Either we are for Him or we are against Him. Flippant, careless Christianity is no Christianity at all. When we set something above Christ, we idolize it. When we place something on his level, we deify it, and so, in our house, we will not allow Santa to rule on Christ’s day neither as an equal nor as a superior.
Some may be tempted to get all up in my business and find inconsistencies in my walk and in the decisions Jeff and I make. If you’re coming at us from a place of loving concern, then come on. I don’t want to live a stagnant useless existence. I want to be challenged, every day, to be more like the Savior I serve. And maybe I’m extreme, but I don’t serve a pansy god. I serve the Master and Creator of heaven and earth, One whose
This is the God I serve and I will do everything I can to give him proper recognition and honor.
Most gracious Heavenly Father,
I thank you for this gift of life I so often taken for granted, complaining about my ailments and troubles. I ask for your faithful forgiveness as I determine, with your aid, to accept my life the way you have directed it. I thank you for another Christmas to be with my family, sharing in the joy of your birth. As we seek to give you praise and honor, may our lives, our thoughts, and our decisions all reflect your presence inside our hearts. Holy Spirit, convict us where we seek glory for ourselves, guide us into your Spirit of Truth, and help us to truly remember that this season of gifts, giving, family, fellowship, and generosity is ALL because of your great sacrifice for us. Amen.
The fact that it provoked such strong emotions struck me as very interesting, however.
Obviously, some of you have given great and thorough attention to your Santa decision. Others have not. It is decidedly your prerogative to make the decisions you feel best lead your family to have maximum output for the Kingdom of God, and if you can do that and still allow Santa to be such an integral part of your Christmas tradition, then you rank among the few.
And just to set the record straight, we are not anti-Santa in and of himself. We are simply opposed to setting him up as an iconic reality that takes any bit of focus off of Christ which includes, but is not limited to, leading impressionable children into belief in said reality. As my friend, Julie Brzozowski, so succinctly stated: “We can enjoy Goldilocks and the Three Bears without believing it really happened. And we can do the same thing with Santa.”
My blog and my thoughts are not The Gospel of Jesus Christ. My husband and I try to very carefully consider things for the ultimate glory of our Holy God in light of the Gospel, and though we will undoubtedly make mistakes along the way, our biggest prayer is that our lives pave the way for our children to one day accept Jesus’ loving atonement for sins and choose then to live a life that honors Him. I believe that as long as we learn to seek God first, before everything else, which is what Christ himself commands in Matthew 6:33, the rest will fall in line. If Christians would stand up in arms defending our Lord and Savior and His precepts like they defend their right to promote Santa’s presence at Christmas, neither would be an issue, for Christ would surely be exalted as “Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace” (Isaiah 9:6) and not simply become a chorus we sing once a year.
Almost dying and having my daily life so radically changed a year and a half ago has drastically altered (well, maybe more like ‘magnified’) the way I view life, my faith, and the convictions I consequently hold. I’ve also gotten quite a bit more verbal about those convictions, and I use my blog to work through those issues.
The lines between mainstream Christianity and the secular world are so blurry that the time must be coming where we will be forced to take a decisive stance one way or another on every single issue for when it comes to Christ, there are no gray areas. Either we are for Him or we are against Him. Flippant, careless Christianity is no Christianity at all. When we set something above Christ, we idolize it. When we place something on his level, we deify it, and so, in our house, we will not allow Santa to rule on Christ’s day neither as an equal nor as a superior.
Some may be tempted to get all up in my business and find inconsistencies in my walk and in the decisions Jeff and I make. If you’re coming at us from a place of loving concern, then come on. I don’t want to live a stagnant useless existence. I want to be challenged, every day, to be more like the Savior I serve. And maybe I’m extreme, but I don’t serve a pansy god. I serve the Master and Creator of heaven and earth, One whose
“wisdom is profound, his power is vast.
Who has resisted him and come out unscathed?
5 He moves mountains without their knowing it
and overturns them in his anger.
6 He shakes the earth from its place
and makes its pillars tremble.
7 He speaks to the sun and it does not shine;
he seals off the light of the stars.
8 He alone stretches out the heavens
and treads on the waves of the sea.
9 He is the Maker of the Bear and Orion,
the Pleiades and the constellations of the south.
10 He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed,
miracles that cannot be counted.” (Job 9: 4-10)
This is the God I serve and I will do everything I can to give him proper recognition and honor.
Most gracious Heavenly Father,
I thank you for this gift of life I so often taken for granted, complaining about my ailments and troubles. I ask for your faithful forgiveness as I determine, with your aid, to accept my life the way you have directed it. I thank you for another Christmas to be with my family, sharing in the joy of your birth. As we seek to give you praise and honor, may our lives, our thoughts, and our decisions all reflect your presence inside our hearts. Holy Spirit, convict us where we seek glory for ourselves, guide us into your Spirit of Truth, and help us to truly remember that this season of gifts, giving, family, fellowship, and generosity is ALL because of your great sacrifice for us. Amen.
Wednesday, December 07, 2011
Qualification
Because of some comments received, I want everyone to know my Santa post wasn't a personal dig at anyone who believes or allows their children to believe in Santa and neither was it a censure of the person at my church who mentioned it to my children. It was a general overview of something that I see as a global problem and I felt led to write about it, to work it out on paper for myself as I do everything else.
Because I take my faith and the faith of my children very seriously, when Jeff and I are convicted about something, we do something about it and I'm not ashamed to confess or write about it. I will be the first to admit when we've been wrong, especially when I've been wrong about something. We are imperfect people attempting to reconcile faith and practical living without going overboard in any direction. We still have much to learn and I'm prayerful that our lives will continue to change to prune away anything that entangles or hinders our faith or the attempts to bring our children to the Lord.
That being said, it is your every right to raise your children the way you see fit, just as it is mine. I stand behind every word I wrote, and want you to know that I merely broached the subject because it was heavy on my heart and I simply wanted to challenge anyone who read the post to carefully consider Santa's placement in Christmas, especially if you are a Christ-follower.
And furthermore, it is a reminder for me, and for Jeff, to carefully consider everything we do and why we do it.
Because I take my faith and the faith of my children very seriously, when Jeff and I are convicted about something, we do something about it and I'm not ashamed to confess or write about it. I will be the first to admit when we've been wrong, especially when I've been wrong about something. We are imperfect people attempting to reconcile faith and practical living without going overboard in any direction. We still have much to learn and I'm prayerful that our lives will continue to change to prune away anything that entangles or hinders our faith or the attempts to bring our children to the Lord.
That being said, it is your every right to raise your children the way you see fit, just as it is mine. I stand behind every word I wrote, and want you to know that I merely broached the subject because it was heavy on my heart and I simply wanted to challenge anyone who read the post to carefully consider Santa's placement in Christmas, especially if you are a Christ-follower.
And furthermore, it is a reminder for me, and for Jeff, to carefully consider everything we do and why we do it.
Tuesday, December 06, 2011
Escaping the Santa Trap
I got a bit worked up over the weekend, for you see, some well-meaning person, at church, told my children that Santa is real. Obviously, I had problems with that on so many levels because I never expected that to happen. That particular situation now dealt with and behind me, I hope, did, however, get me to thinking really hard about Christmas, “the real meaning”, tradition, and Santa’s place.
You may wonder why I got all in a tizzy over a harmless, rotund, red-suited, jolly old man whose aim is to simply spread Christmas cheer and gifts. Santa, my friends, (and I hate to burst your bubble if this is the first time you’ve ever heard this) is not real. Legend has inflated this fictitious individual, loosely based on a Greek man named Nicholas, a devout man, who secretly gave gifts and put coins in shoes left outside. Now-a-days, Santa Claus leaves presents only for good girls and boys, his helpful elves are hard at work making toys all year round, he carries these bountiful toys in one very large sack… in a sleigh drawn by flying reindeer, he travels around the world shimmying his extra large girth up and down chimneys (even the houses without chimneys), and to ensure that boys and girls have been “good” he now leaves his Elf on a Shelf to watch over them and to report their behavior back to the North Pole.
Seriously? Seriously.
I love literature, and I love fiction. I love a good book, a little far-fetched time travel, a little mystery, a little illogic, and I celebrate such imagination. The Lord of the Rings trilogy, full of magic, intrigue, and a quest of biblical proportions is a series worth applauding. What I detest, though, is the telling of a falsehood, especially to children who are still learning the difference between concrete and abstract thinking. The Lord of the Rings trilogy is not written for impressionable children, and though I was an adolescent when I read them, I was at least to the level of development in critical thinking that had reached the abstract, knowing and understanding the difference between reality and fantasy.
You tell a 3, 4, 5, 6, or 7 year old that Santa is real and they believe you. You tell them that if they’re good, and the Elf on the Shelf is watching them to report back to Santa any and every infraction of behavior, they’ll get presents, and they’ll believe you. You tell them that Santa comes down the chimney, leaves perfectly wrapped toys, and eats the cookies and drinks the milk you leave out, they’ll believe you. You tell them his sleigh is driven by Rudolph the red nosed reindeer and company, they’ll believe you.
And then you tell them that we celebrate Jesus’ birthday on Christmas. You tell them that everything in the Bible is true. You tell them God created the world in 6 days and on the 7th day he rested. You tell them all the Old Testament stories about the 10 commandments, Noah and the Ark, Moses and the Red Sea, David and Goliath, and then move into the New Testament miracles of Jesus healing the blind, the lame, and the sick. You tell them Jesus died on the cross for their sins and rose on the third day and now sits at the right hand of God the Father. THEY WILL BELIEVE YOU.
What happens when you suddenly tell them that Santa isn’t real, or worse, if they learn it from someone else? What happens to what they believe about the Bible, about God, and about his Son, Jesus?
You have just effectively lost your right to be believed on every level.
They will have discovered that you purposefully lied. It is a crippling, jarring, shocking thing for dishonesty to be unearthed at any age within any relationship, but at a tender, vulnerable age you will have successfully raped their trust and caused them to question anything that further emerges from your lips. As Christian parents, we are charged with protecting, teaching, and leading our children to Christ. Propagating a falsehood is not a way to win your children to the Lord. And coercing ‘good’ behavior so children will want to act right to get presents does children a disservice because it completely misses the mark, which is their hearts.
You may think I’m harsh, overreacting, and perhaps even overly pious, but for me, playing up the Santa card because it’s fun and it’s customary and it’s ‘just what we do’ is not worth playing with my children’s eternity. Allowing them to believe a lie, no matter how harmless it may seem, is still allowing them to believe a lie. Jeff and I do not lie to our children, nor do we perpetuate lies, even if they be based on the practices that have been in our families for years. My father told me that he was devastated when he learned that Santa wasn’t real, and just a few days ago, another friend confessed the same thing. Therefore, I do not relinquish my right to share truth with my children, for when I stand before Holy God, and remember, you will too, what will I say to that charge?
I am not condemning you for playing along with Santa, but I challenge you to investigate the heart of why you do what you do.
Even as I type, I will readily acknowledge that we have allowed our children to read books about Santa, watch Christmas cartoons where he’s a main character, color pictures about him and his team of elves and reindeer. But, after each viewing, I quiz them: “Is Santa real? No. He is pretend. What is Christmas really about? Yes, it’s about Jesus. What did Jesus do for us?”...and so on.
But now I ask myself if that is enough. If we truly want to make Christmas about Jesus, what do we need to cut out? What do we need to purge? And what do we need to change?
Jeff and I had this conversation just last night. We’ve explained to our children about gift-giving, that since Jesus gave the ultimate gift of His life, we honor his birthday by giving gifts to each other. We do retain the ‘We Three Kings’ plan, borrowed from my brother and sister-in-law. Jesus received 3 gifts from the wise men, and so do our children. I know people bake a birthday cake for Jesus, but I want to know how else can we truly merit celebrating His day, for Him, when materialism and traditions tend to usurp the intent of the day?
I don’t have a complete answer, but I do know that by elevating Christ and dethroning Santa and his not-so-helpful Elf on the Shelf, we’re at least headed in the right direction.
You may wonder why I got all in a tizzy over a harmless, rotund, red-suited, jolly old man whose aim is to simply spread Christmas cheer and gifts. Santa, my friends, (and I hate to burst your bubble if this is the first time you’ve ever heard this) is not real. Legend has inflated this fictitious individual, loosely based on a Greek man named Nicholas, a devout man, who secretly gave gifts and put coins in shoes left outside. Now-a-days, Santa Claus leaves presents only for good girls and boys, his helpful elves are hard at work making toys all year round, he carries these bountiful toys in one very large sack… in a sleigh drawn by flying reindeer, he travels around the world shimmying his extra large girth up and down chimneys (even the houses without chimneys), and to ensure that boys and girls have been “good” he now leaves his Elf on a Shelf to watch over them and to report their behavior back to the North Pole.
Seriously? Seriously.
I love literature, and I love fiction. I love a good book, a little far-fetched time travel, a little mystery, a little illogic, and I celebrate such imagination. The Lord of the Rings trilogy, full of magic, intrigue, and a quest of biblical proportions is a series worth applauding. What I detest, though, is the telling of a falsehood, especially to children who are still learning the difference between concrete and abstract thinking. The Lord of the Rings trilogy is not written for impressionable children, and though I was an adolescent when I read them, I was at least to the level of development in critical thinking that had reached the abstract, knowing and understanding the difference between reality and fantasy.
You tell a 3, 4, 5, 6, or 7 year old that Santa is real and they believe you. You tell them that if they’re good, and the Elf on the Shelf is watching them to report back to Santa any and every infraction of behavior, they’ll get presents, and they’ll believe you. You tell them that Santa comes down the chimney, leaves perfectly wrapped toys, and eats the cookies and drinks the milk you leave out, they’ll believe you. You tell them his sleigh is driven by Rudolph the red nosed reindeer and company, they’ll believe you.
And then you tell them that we celebrate Jesus’ birthday on Christmas. You tell them that everything in the Bible is true. You tell them God created the world in 6 days and on the 7th day he rested. You tell them all the Old Testament stories about the 10 commandments, Noah and the Ark, Moses and the Red Sea, David and Goliath, and then move into the New Testament miracles of Jesus healing the blind, the lame, and the sick. You tell them Jesus died on the cross for their sins and rose on the third day and now sits at the right hand of God the Father. THEY WILL BELIEVE YOU.
What happens when you suddenly tell them that Santa isn’t real, or worse, if they learn it from someone else? What happens to what they believe about the Bible, about God, and about his Son, Jesus?
You have just effectively lost your right to be believed on every level.
They will have discovered that you purposefully lied. It is a crippling, jarring, shocking thing for dishonesty to be unearthed at any age within any relationship, but at a tender, vulnerable age you will have successfully raped their trust and caused them to question anything that further emerges from your lips. As Christian parents, we are charged with protecting, teaching, and leading our children to Christ. Propagating a falsehood is not a way to win your children to the Lord. And coercing ‘good’ behavior so children will want to act right to get presents does children a disservice because it completely misses the mark, which is their hearts.
You may think I’m harsh, overreacting, and perhaps even overly pious, but for me, playing up the Santa card because it’s fun and it’s customary and it’s ‘just what we do’ is not worth playing with my children’s eternity. Allowing them to believe a lie, no matter how harmless it may seem, is still allowing them to believe a lie. Jeff and I do not lie to our children, nor do we perpetuate lies, even if they be based on the practices that have been in our families for years. My father told me that he was devastated when he learned that Santa wasn’t real, and just a few days ago, another friend confessed the same thing. Therefore, I do not relinquish my right to share truth with my children, for when I stand before Holy God, and remember, you will too, what will I say to that charge?
I am not condemning you for playing along with Santa, but I challenge you to investigate the heart of why you do what you do.
Even as I type, I will readily acknowledge that we have allowed our children to read books about Santa, watch Christmas cartoons where he’s a main character, color pictures about him and his team of elves and reindeer. But, after each viewing, I quiz them: “Is Santa real? No. He is pretend. What is Christmas really about? Yes, it’s about Jesus. What did Jesus do for us?”...and so on.
But now I ask myself if that is enough. If we truly want to make Christmas about Jesus, what do we need to cut out? What do we need to purge? And what do we need to change?
Jeff and I had this conversation just last night. We’ve explained to our children about gift-giving, that since Jesus gave the ultimate gift of His life, we honor his birthday by giving gifts to each other. We do retain the ‘We Three Kings’ plan, borrowed from my brother and sister-in-law. Jesus received 3 gifts from the wise men, and so do our children. I know people bake a birthday cake for Jesus, but I want to know how else can we truly merit celebrating His day, for Him, when materialism and traditions tend to usurp the intent of the day?
I don’t have a complete answer, but I do know that by elevating Christ and dethroning Santa and his not-so-helpful Elf on the Shelf, we’re at least headed in the right direction.
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